Suffering Resolved, Beautiful Pride Recovered
by Dementia777
Summary: Through lies and painful pasts could break even an iron resolve. Yumichika's pain seems as if it could transfer to the only one who had ever truly cared for the eccentric beauty.  Sequel to "Farewell Thee Love"
1. I Forgive

Inspired by: "Someone Who Cares" - Three Days Grace

And I'm working on a sequel to "Yo Ho" and it doesn't want to come off my fingers onto virtual paper... The sequel to "Farewell Thee Love Forever Thy Baited Hooks Shall Tangle Me No Longer", however, wants to be written. I'm only a vessel, I don't decide the big things, and when I force myself to write things that I don't want to, it's not ever anything worth reading so... Here you are!

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Anyone who has lived long enough will eventually turn into a pessimist. It's just a fact of life, a result of Murphy's law, that bad normally outweighs the good. This is simply because things that are wrong are so often the easier choice over what Is righteous To stand up for what was right all the time tired and the sentimentality of the act became empty words and phrases once repeated so many times, they lost their noble meaning. In Rukongai, everyone knew this rule without having to be told, and any optimist was more than likely acting or else they were a new arrival in the damnable place.

To find new arrivals was to find a faint glimmer of hope, or so that was how some saw it. To see someone who hadn't been broken by constant disappointment was to see the possibility that things might change, honesty might be incorporated into the rotting system that was so loosely tied together in the cesspool that was Rukongai. A district drowned in blood, where cries from a woman being assaulted and even raped weren't out of the ordinary, and normally they were ignored like a car's siren. Thought only to be an annoyance, something to be stopped not with action but with time. The false possibility of hope was cruel, because it was an unfulfilled promise which would never change for a simple reason; There happened to be nothing that would deter a criminal from doing as he or she pleased.

Rules weren't enforced by Soul Reapers often, and when they were, it was only to protect rich and noble families. Fear for laws hardly existed in many of the areas and therefore criminals found the town a paradise. A festering paradise in the mist of unlawful pleasures and unspeakable crimes, an abominable version of Eden with streams of blood and broken dreams, fruit of hatred and creatures of malice inhabiting the awful place. It maintained it's festering pathetic nature for the simple reason that these primal pleasures could be enjoyed easily in town, there was no one who wanted to bother with the secrecy of the forest or underground operations, and even if someone did hide out for the novelty or plain paranoia, they avoided swampy parts of the woods.

Yumichika actually grew to like the forest even more than the town he had lived in. No one really noticed him seeing as no one wanted to brave the swampy grounds in the part of the woods where he made his home. He found that he could carry out his old work with less necessity, as there were edible herbs and such around the woods. After he got used to the extra work, he actually thought he was living more beautifully than before, and hardly even went into town for anything more than selling what he found valuable in his new domain. Eventually he was able to buy himself a decorative mirror with the money he was able to save by not relying on stores for his food or paying for shelter over his head.

He was even more well off than when he worked in the conventional sense, while the man he left behind looked worse and worse each time he left his small apartment. There was no going back to the friendship they had, both of them knew the idea would not work. Or, at least Yumichika was quite sure the awkwardness could never go away, despite the fact he'd forgiven Ikkaku for acting out while he was in a drunken haze. Maybe just to tell him that he was forgiven, Yumichika thought he would visit and leave as quickly as he came to avoid unpleasant conversation.

Every single time he went to the door, though, something went wrong and made him rethink the whole idea. Last time, he was scared away just by some shuffling around from the inside of the room before he even got the courage to knock on the doors. The time before, Ikkaku wasn't home, and once before that, the bald man had a lady that he was "entertaining."

During a trip to the market where he went to sell some berries that were in season, after he picked enough for him to enjoy for awhile, he found Ikkaku stumbling out of a bar. He didn't look as drunk as he usually would, and instead he was stumbling because he didn't seem to care enough to even pay any attention to where he was walking. Yumichika couldn't resist the opportunity; "Ikkaku?"

The man looked up with desolate and broken eyes, but when he saw who he was looking at they suddenly came alive. "Yumichika? I-"

Before he could babble or go into a long apology, Yumichika cut him off. "I forgive you, Ikkaku." Then, before Ikkaku could come up with a response or say anything to ruin the beautiful moment, the raven haired man walked by to finish his errand. Ikkaku had no time, or any idea on how to react.

He wasn't often caught speechless, but what had just happened left him as clueless as someone who was stumbling in the dark for a light switch. He thought he should follow Yumichika at first, but what would that do? If he wanted to talk, he would have stayed. Instead, he went home to contemplate what had just been said, and if he thought of anything worth telling Yumichika, or asking of him, he would see the man another time. He was probably still in the same area of the forest, actually.

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	2. You Said Anything

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Ikkaku thought and thought and thought, completely sober for the longest time he could remember since Yumichika moved out, and could only think of one thing to reply. "Why?" Why? Why did he forgive such a thing? Who was he fooling, saying something so stupid after Ikkaku made the mistake of a lifetime and, being a drunken idiot, almost raped him. There can't be any forgiveness after something like that.

It was enough to at least try and confront the man. He wasn't sure if he could do it, in reality. What if Yumichika had only said that on a whim, and really doesn't forgive what happened? The only thing Ikkaku could think of was to bring Yumichika the sword that was bought for him and use that as an excuse for stopping by, then leaving immediately if he was in a sour mood. Ikkaku made the decision to go the very next day after their meeting in town with the lightweight blade, and his own, in case Yumichika's hatred caused him to do anything dangerous. Ikkaku was sorry, but not exactly willing to die to repent.

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The journey was simple, now that Ikkaku knew enough not to tread on the swampy land of this part of the forest, and was at least agile enough to move effectively by way of travel on the branches. Yumichika wasn't trying to hide, it seemed. He was in the very tree he first came to when he was evicted, and was predictably staring in his mirror at his hair that had grew a bit since the time he left.

"Yumichika?"

He wasn't surprised to hear Ikkaku's voice. He didn't even put the decorative mirror down. "Yes?"

Ikkaku awkwardly crouched on the branch just outside the hollow so he could look inside. It was spacious enough to hold some blankets, and very few personal belongings, as well as the petite man. Not so much that Ikkaku could fit in as well, though. "I know it's a little late for me to bring this, but you forgot you katana when you left. Well, that and your vanity, but it doesn't look like it could fit."

Yumichika looked up with a smile, to hide any sadness he had. It failed, though, because Ikkaku saw through the charade as easily as he would see through a window. "Thank you, but you bought that. It's not mine."

Ikkaku's heart dropped, partly because Yumichika didn't want what he brought, and also because he seemed so awfully sad. If he could have done so without overstepping boundaries, he would've hugged the man and told him not to be upset, but that would be hypocritical. He was upset because of Ikkaku. "It was a gift, so it belongs to you. Even if you don't want to keep it, you could sell it for something you do want."

"Don't you believe me?" Yumichika asked softly.

"What?"

"I've forgiven you already. Don't do things like this that you don't want to do."

"I'm not doing anything I don't want to do. I wouldn't be here unless I wanted to."

"What do you want while you're here, then?"

"To tell you that forgiving me is a crock of shit, alright? You can't just forgive something like that when I haven't even said sorry. Why did you forgive me in the first place?" Ikkaku's hand tightened on the blade he was offering to Yumichika, since it hadn't been taken yet. His temper wasn't completely capped, he couldn't stand the very idea that he was forgiven for something he should have never done and having no excuses other than he was an idiot for doing it.

"I forgive you because you hate yourself for what you did," Yumichika said. He took one last look in the mirror, as if checking the transparent nature of his sorrow, and put the accessory down to look Ikkaku in his eyes. "You don't need two people hating you for the same incident, I don't think," he added quietly and took the sword from Ikkaku, putting it to the side.

"Don't be such an idiot, you can't forgive me for a reason like that!"

"There aren't rules on what I can and cannot forgive, now stop yelling like that. You're making this more of a deal that I am, and that's ugly," Yumichika dismissed. "Why did you come to talk to me, if all you're doing is yelling about me not having reasons for being forgiving you, or at least not ones that you think are decent for an incident that I was victim?"

"I came to give you the katana," Ikkaku mumbled.

"No, you came to talk to me, or else you would've given me the katana and left."

"Just shut the hell up. I wanted to say sorry, alright? What I did wasn't simple, like bumping into you in the streets and a simple sorry doesn't really do it for me, but-"

Yumichika leaned forward and put his hand over Ikkaku's mouth. He stared for a minute into Ikkaku's eyes while hovering only a few inches away. "I forgive you. I don't need a reason to, and you shouldn't argue with me over my decision. I'm all grown up, and if I decide to do something, you shouldn't stand in the way or criticize every step I make. Even if it's a stupid thing that I've done, I won't change just because you throw a fit. If you want to talk, then stay. If you want to patronize me, leave."

Ikkaku sat there, staring into Yumichika's purple eyes for what seemed like forever. He'd never seen Yumichika angry like he was now, or even angry at all. The man was easy going and happy nearly all the time, but apparently he didn't like being questioned. Ikkaku gently lower his hand and held the thin wrist for a moment before releasing him. "I want to stay and talk."

Yumichika smiled a bit, although he didn't seem to be completely calm from his outburst. "Actually, it would be easier for me to come out there. You can see, there would hardly be room for you alone in here, both of us doesn't seem possible."

The man crawled out of the hollow and onto the branch Ikkaku was sitting on, then to one right across. "If you want to make it up to me, though, there's one thing that you could do," Yumichika was wearing a devious smirk, but that didn't matter to Ikkaku in the least.

"Whatever you want."

"There's a fort that all the bandits live in, about a kilometer or so from here. Go get your sword, because I want to get back at them for taking something from me a few weeks ago."

"You're crazy," Ikkaku said, searching Yumichika's features for anything that would hint to him kidding about the task. He seemed serious.

"You said anything."

"My bad."

Yumichika's was confident, though. "Go, and be back in fifteen minutes at this spot. We'll go together, and that way I can be sure that they'll learn never to rob anything from someone as beautiful as me."

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	3. Stay

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Ikkaku was very reluctant to return. The odds would be horrible on getting out of there alive, it would be hundreds of bandits against two. There was a feeling tugging at him, he felt that he had an obligation to go because he knew even if he didn't tag along, Yumichika would pay them a visit anyways. Then he'd never be able to feel like he properly apologized for what he had done with the beauty dead and Ikkaku having the opportunity to have been there and saved him. With his katana strapped to his waist and little else by means of weapons, nothing by means of a shield, he set off to the spot he met with Yumichika earlier. Hopefully he'd be able to dissuade the eccentric of the stupid idea. If not, he'd march to almost certain death, and at least protect the Yumichika the best he could.

That was all he had been asking for in the past few days. To make amends in a way that he felt he was really absolved. If he had to die in the process, he was almost without issue, the only problem being; He didn't want to leave Yumichika alone anymore. He wasn't happy with the prospect of dying, but at this time, death seemed like a much more passable alternative than letting Yumichika die on a suicide mission. Maybe Yumichika was doing fine by himself and Ikkaku was being self centered when he worried about leaving the man alone, but he knew neither of them wanted to spend their life alone in the district. They'd already expressed their feelings about that in the time they shared living together.

When Ikkaku returned, he saw that Yumichika hadn't moved, except to fasten his katana to his waist, and he even returned to the spot they had been talking earlier. His face lit up when he saw Ikkaku making the journey back. "Hey, Ikkaku!"

"This is a bad idea."

"Come on," Yumichika pouted. "You love fighting, what's with that attitude all of the sudden? Is it because you think I'm not strong enough?"

"Yes," Ikkaku answered truthfully. "Neither am I, to take on a giant number of bandits on a whim. This is suicide."

"They took something from me. I'm teaching them a lesson, so you can turn back if you don't want to go with me," Yumichika said that last sentence sincerely. He was angry with the bandits, but he didn't want Ikkaku with him if he didn't want to. "I'll be fine by myself, they're a bunch of idiots you know."

"Yumichika-"

"Actually, I don't want you to go anyways. Go back," Yumichika stood up. "Thank you for bringing me the katana, it'll be more than enough. In any event, you'll only aid in the process of slowing me down, the only thing I have going for me really is my speed. With the attitude you have towards this whole thing, you'll complain and get us caught."

"I'm not letting you go alone, moron."

Yumichika looked back and frowned. "I've decided already, you're not following me there. I'm going to go there quickly and show them not to ever mess with me again, and you're going to go home and do whatever you want."

Ikkaku scoffed and started making his way inward, towards the bandit's base, following Yumichika who had taken off already. He wasn't exactly sure where it was, but there were trails carved out by the bumbling oafs thundering footsteps and Yumichika seemed confident with his movements. He'd find it as soon as he make his way to one of the sections of the forest that got more sunlight and didn't stay muddy with nowhere to gain any ground. There was no point in arguing with Yumichika any longer though, he really had his mind up on the issue. What was somewhat annoying Ikkaku though, was the fact that he didn't even seem to want to get back whatever was taken. He'd just angry that something was taken from him.

"Didn't you hear me?" Yumichika asked angrily as Ikkaku followed him. "I said that you should go home, and I'll do this by myself. It'll be easier that way."

Ikkaku shook his head. "I'm letting you go on some stupid suicide mission, just so you can get back at someone for theft. It would be very ugly of me, don't you think?"

"Very funny," Yumichika replied, angrier than before now that Ikkaku was not only insisting on going, but also making fun of the person he was attempting to help. "But if you're going with me, what do you think that will change? You're only going to get hurt in fighting my fight. What are you going to gain?"

"I'm going to prevent you from dying, apologize again, and leave you alone," Ikkaku said simply, jumping carefully from tree to tree, though the last thing wasn't something he was sure he would follow through with. "I'm not going to stand by knowingly letting you do something stupid by yourself."

"I'm going to be more busy protecting someone as headstrong as you, which is why I don't want you to follow," Yumichika insisted, gracefully moving from the branches of trees with what seemed to be an effortless endeavor. "But, I've forgiven you already for what you did, you weren't even in your right mind. You're not doing this to get something you already have, surely?"

"I'm doing it so I can forgive myself, alright? I don't accept the fact that you don't even pause in forgiving me after doing something really fucking stupid even though I didn't do anything to earn being forgiven. I don't work like-" Ikkaku started ranting angrily, cut off by falling while trying to get on another tree, being too upset while talking to pay enough attention to where he was stepping.

Yumichika, somewhat amused by Karma, or whatever force cause that to happen, smiled and sat. "I think I'll leave you there for awhile, 'kay, Ikkaku?"

Still in the muddy portion of the forest (actually seeming to go further into the depths of it, rather than coming to it's end), Ikkaku was swallowed by a pit of mud, nearly up to his chest after the fall. "Like hell you're going anywhere!"

"Don't drown, I'll be back after awhile to get you."

"Drowning isn't exactly a choice, you bastard!"

Yumichika, oblivious to what Ikkaku was shouting, winked at the slowly sinking man and hopped away. He wasn't the type to take orders, especially not from someone who was groveling for absolution less than an hour before.

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	4. Coming Clean

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After thirty minutes of finding things to grab onto and them breaking under stress, Ikkaku finally pulled himself out using a tree and his katana to climb. He was covered up to his chest in thick mud, but he made a decision already to protect Yumichika in any way he could. He intended to do so, slathered in filth or not.

It was hell to find his way to the drier parts of the forest, but once he did he instantly ran into a trail carved by careless and constant marauding through foliage of any any type. He followed the well worn path in the direction that he figured was deeper into the forest. His sense of direction wasn't exceptionally bad, but after changing course several times and struggling to get out from the mud pit he was subjected to, he couldn't tell which way was towards Rukongai and which way lead deeper still into the dense woods. He guessed his path correctly and soon saw a clearing with a large, poorly build type of fort bustling with activity.

He'd never really seen such a redundant and poorly thought out structure. Sharpened logs were the walls, tied together with black ropes, the large and decaying masses were all leaning slightly in or outward. Spaces too small to fit through, but easily wide enough to see straight through were littered about the deterrent randomly. From what he could see where he stood, Ikkaku noticed the buildings inside were all poorly constructed as well, with splintering wood roughly held together with some kind of sealant and ropes.

There were a slew of curses inside and at what seemed to be guard posts, there were empty spots with ruts where brutes had been standing guard before. More than likely, they abandoned post to capture the beauty wreaking havoc on the ones who stole something from him. What a bitch, Ikkaku thought. He was this far and he still didn't even know why Yumichika pursued the bandits to this extent. No idea what was going on, the only thing that he did know, Yumichika wasn't caught yet. Thundering footsteps, and constant loud questions were what assured him; "Where is he?" "Have you seen him around here?" "Anyone got him yet?"

It was actually a great time to walk in. While Yumichika stuck out like a sore thumb, being refined and beautiful, when everyone was in a ruckus, no one would notice someone like Ikkaku standing among them. He probably looked similar to the vast majority of the thugs that lived inside, so he chose to walk in simply and follow the example set before him. He began to run around, ask questions, and in general follow what everyone else was doing until he found the troublesome man and asked what the plan was. Of course, Ikkaku couldn't resist the temptation to slit a few throats when he wasn't in plain sight of everyone, just to remove some of the weaklings from the area before the real commotion began and they'd become a pain.

Nearly an hour of this went on, with about twenty or so bandits being killed by Ikkaku's hand, before he found Yumichika. Rather, it was Yumichika who found him and pulled him into a room while Ikkaku was standing by a window and thinking of a plan.

"What the hell are you thinking?" Ikkaku asked angrily, although in a hushed whisper so they wouldn't be discovered right away. They seemed to be in a clinic of sorts, with medicine jars arranged across a counter, little cots made up, and thankfully, no patients in them.

"I told you to stay back there," Yumichika glared at Ikkaku as he said his words.

"I'm not a dog."

"You shouldn't have come. I'm actually doing quite well."

Ikkaku shook his head. "What the hell are you talking about? In what crazy world is the whole fiasco going on outside even acceptable? What are you trying to accomplish?"

"That's simple. I killed three of the four people who ambushed me. I only need to find the last one and then I can leave," Yumichika said, ignoring all questions except the last. Before Ikkaku was able to insist on all the questions being replied to, there were voices outside and footsteps, seeming to be coming to the room they were in. Yumichika put his finger to his lip as if to signal to Ikkaku not to make a sound, and opened a closet, pushing the other man inside and squeezing into it as well. There was hardly enough room to breathe. Yumichika didn't care much about the awkward positioning that was required, and arranged himself in a way that he could look through the keyhole and see who it was in the room.

A doctor, or at least someone who had a long white jacket, walked into the room with a much larger man. He began talking with a nasal and annoying voice. "Yes, boss, I know we must find him. I don't know how I relate to everyone's incompetence-"

The nasally man was cut off by who he addressed as his boss. "You know what he looks like, so look for him. And when you find him, kill him."

Yumichika shook at the sight of the larger man, and although Ikkaku was unaware of the appearances, he heard the deep and strong voice. Yumichika wasn't one to be afraid, though. There were very slim changes that he was afraid of a stranger standing before him, and if it was one of the people who stole from him he wouldn't be waiting to jump out and finish what he came here to do. Why was he shaking?

The doctor started again. "Boss, listen. I know why he's here-"

"I already heard, before Takeshi's throat was slit. Said the man was here for revenge. You're one of them that he wants dead. Better find him fast, and yell loud when you see him."

So, that was his target? Ikkaku wondered. Was he shaking in anticipation? If he was, why didn't he just do what he came to do and leave before they had to fight too many bandits at once? Why would he wait?

"Yes, boss," the doctor replied dejectedly. "I've got some things in here I want to check out quickly."

"Right, I'm going."

The door clicked, in the instant that the deeper voiced man left, Yumichika opened the closet door as soon as he heard the larger man leave, and cut the doctor's head off with a clean stroke. Ikkaku nearly fell on the floor when the door was opened abruptly. That could've been a horrible mess, attracting the man Yumichika found it so wise to avoid. Yumichika looked back at Ikkaku with a splatter of blood going from his face to torso. It was still coming out in squirts from the slashed neck. "We can leave now," he said with a smile.

"You're absolutely insane."

"Let's hurry up and leave. The boss of this guy is someone I don't want to have an encounter with," Yumichika said and turned toward the window he'd pulled Ikkaku into the room in the first place. "I can stay at your place, can't I?"

"You already want to go back to that?"

"I don't have a choice. Killing his men means he'll look everywhere to kill me. Until I get around to getting rid of him, I need to stay somewhere safer than a tree," Yumichika said, referring to the boss.

Ikkaku gave up at this point. "Yes, you can stay with me."

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After Yumichika moved his things into the apartment, which had been completely trashed in his absence, he laid down on the bed, thoroughly tired from the events of the day.

Ikkaku, however, had hardly done anything to make him too tired to ask questions. "Yumichika, why are you afraid of their boss?"

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Then what made you so angry at them?"

"If I tell you, you'll want to go and kill them all."

"What do you mean?"

Yumichika sighed. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Tell me."

"Nah," he brushed off tiredly.

"Tell me, now."

Another sigh, and Yumichika replied as if it was an annoying thing to go into; "I'll leave it at the fact that they took my pride and my beauty. I got my beauty back after a few weeks, you know. Scratches and bruises heal. I killed who I could kill for hurting my pride. That's all that I'm saying on the issue."

"Wait, you mean to say that they, I mean, they raped-"

"I said I wasn't going to say anything more."

"I'm sorry," Ikkaku felt his heart drop. The way Yumichika spoke, Ikkaku was sure that he was leaving some essential part of the story out. He said enough to get the implication, though. Yumichika got away from Ikkaku but was subjected to the same thing by the men he killed earlier.

Ikkaku felt bad enough for trying to do what he did in the first place, so much so that he didn't think he'd ever be able to forgive himself and now knowing what he did caused a domino effect and lead to something even more terrible than what he attempted, he wanted to just hang himself. If he hadn't gotten drunk, Yumichika would've stayed learned how to fight better, and been stronger. Even four thugs at once wouldn't have been able to take him, or else, he wouldn't have even been too far for from Ikkaku at any point for too long. Ikkaku could have been there to protect the eccentric. "Yumichika-"

"No matter what, though," Yumichika started. "You're not going to show me sympathy. It's unbecoming, I've told you that before. I don't need you to feel sorry for me or act protective."

Ikkaku ignored what Yumichika said completely and pulled him into a hug. Despite the fact Yumichika was the one who had to go through all of what happened, Ikkaku felt tears burning his eyes. "Yumichika, I don't want you to say stupid shit like that. Of course I'm going to protect you, just until you're strong enough to protect yourself."

Yumichika wanted to push Ikkaku off of him, but it was hard. His embrace was so comforting, and he'd never had someone he could rely on for help if he ever needed it. He'd always thought that if he needed something, he would simply have to get it himself. He'd never even been offered help sincerely. "Ikkaku, can I tell you something and you promise you won't laugh, or leave?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Why would I leave, I already told you I'd protect you."

"The reason I forgave you, and the reason I didn't want you to go with me after I thought about it, is because I didn't want you to be in pain. I want to protect you, too. I'm not strong enough to save you if the bandits captured you," Yumichika bit his lip. "And the reason I'm afraid so much of the bandit's boss is because I stole from him once and he almost killed me, and when he did chose to keep me alive, he kept me as someone to 'take care of' him so he wouldn't have to go out and find women all the time, said I looked enough like a woman anyways. He knew no one would care if I was missing, too."

"I'll kill him-"

"No," Yumichika said firmly. "I'm going to kill him. Eventually. I can't yet, because he's a lot stronger than I am. I'm doing this myself. I don't know why I can tell you all these things so easily, when I've never opened up to anyone or even cared about another person in my whole life, but you're not going off to do something stupid and dangerous then getting yourself killed.

"Same goes to you," Ikkaku said softly.

"I don't plan on dying just yet."

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	5. Afraid

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It took so long for Yumichika to open up, and when he did, now he was afraid. There were a lot of reasons he told Ikkaku what he did. The heat of the moment, the need to get everything off his chest, and the very prospect that someone might care about him after knowing everything. Knowing that he wasn't beautiful on the inside, and the beauty that he was so proud of caused him plethora of problems. He knew Ikkaku wasn't the type to stay involved in anything he wasn't interested, and sooner or later, something would give and he'd see there were very few pros and too many cons to count.

Just like everyone else had before, he would toss the beauty away when it became too much of an issue. Ikkaku's flaws may be numerous as well, but he wasn't trying to turn everything into a soap opera and have all eyes turn to him. Yumichika, being much the other man's opposite in so many ways, told outlandish stories with tears breaking through the emotionless mask he tried so hard to keep on.

Ikkaku slept soundly, not letting go of Yumichika until he was unconscious, and even then his arms laid loosely around the others lithe frame. Sun was shining through the window, preventing Yumichika from sleeping any longer. It wasn't a major deal, he was too upset to be tired still, he only slept for short, interspersed times throughout the night. He became more convinced each time he woke up that last night was a dream and he was in the oversized tree, sleeping on damp wood and surrounded by an unpleasant swamp like place, with no one around. Each time, he was somewhat comforted in feeling Ikkaku behind him, sleeping soundly through the man's paranoid jumps each time he found himself waking.

For maybe an hour he laid there, knowing he wouldn't find himself going back to sleep again, and decided that he would make something to eat. He wasn't hungry in the least, but knew Ikkaku would be after not eating all last night, and probably hadn't had a bite since lunch yesterday. Yumichika got up, careful not to wake his the slumbering man. It was pointless in being so cautious, though, because Ikkaku was a rock when he slept.

In another hour, Ikkaku woke to the smell of frying pork and random vegetables, with the thick scent of ginger about as well. He remembered buying ginger, although he never much used it to cook. It reminded him of some of his more lighthearted conversations with Yumichika, where he mentioned that he thought Ikkaku smelled lik ginger. Ikkaku smiled. "You're up early."

"Not really, it's nine," Yumichika replied, not looking up at his friend because he was sure he looked awful after sleeping so badly. His beauty was one of the few good things he had about himself, and the last thing that he wanted Ikkaku to see was that it could be easily compromised.

"Early to me."

Yumichika didn't reply. It was obvious he wasn't in a good mood, probably paranoid from what he'd done. Ikkaku wondered if he believed that he'd be protected when the brutes came by, or passed that off as a lie? If the latter was true, he felt he had to do something to convince the beauty he wasn't willing to let him die. The first chore, although it should be easy, was to start a conversation. The only thing that caused any trouble in the idea was that Yumichika hadn't so much as lifted his head since Ikkaku woke up, and didn't seem to want to chat this morning.

Eventually, he had to lift his head to avoid stumbling over the garbage that amassed when he brought the food to the table. His eyes lacked their normal sparkle as well as having bags form under them, he didn't seem to even be capable of smiling, and he was exceptionally sluggish. Even with his normal expertise in hiding his feelings, he couldn't disguise his fatigue. He didn't seem to be interested in putting effort into such a thing, though.

"Yumichika?"

"Yes?"

Ikkaku wasn't one to honey coat his words, even when he thought it was appropriate to do so. Instead, he's always been the type to say whatever came to his mind first, even now. "You're beautiful."

No, that didn't have tact or grace or anything. It was very sweet, but also extremely stupid. More than likely it would be taken as an insult if Yumichika had seen how he looked yet, but instead his tired eyes opened wide, being surprised. "What?"

Ikkaku didn't regret saying it, though he wished he would've said something more tactful. "I said that you're beautiful. Are you deaf?" He faked confidence. Honestly, he was worried that what he said would do more to make Yumichika upset rather than smile.

"Ikkaku, you're always criticizing me for saying stupid things. Are you listening to yourself? I look awful and you bring yourself to say something like that, when it's not true?"

"You _are_ beautiful though. Even right now, you're beautiful."

Yumichika looked down. "If that was true, it wouldn't matter. My so-called beauty is what got me into so much trouble, and hated by so many people. I wish I wasn't so beautiful, and maybe I'd be liked more. People wouldn't be so jealous of me without my beauty."

It was as if someone had just punched Ikkaku hard in the gut. He had seen and heard a lot of strange things in his long lifetime, but this was going in the Hall of Fame of things he thought he'd never hear. Yumichika saying he wishes he wasn't beautiful. Yumichika Ayasegawa, the man who lives in front of a mirror, a man whose vanity couldn't be compared to by anyone Ikkaku had ever met, just wished to renounce his beauty that he loved and lived for? "Yumichika, you have always said that you loved being beautiful, and you always-"

"Maybe it's not as important as I always thought. Never once has it given me anything pleasant besides a compliment or two, but time after time it puts me in awful positions. I can't stand it. People hate me because I'm more beautiful than them or try to take advantage of me."

Ikkaku frowned, getting angry at the conversation. He wasn't the type to be a soft or comforting rationalist, helping people through hard times with a soft voice and sweet words of encouragement. He never would be that type of person. "Yumichika, you're talking out of your ass because you're tired. I know you well enough to know that you love being beautiful more than anything. You've even said that before, that keeping yourself beautiful is the only thing left that you enjoy."

"Maybe I wasn't in my right mind then," Yumichika stood up without touching a bite to eat and went to the bed, laying back down. "I don't care what happens from now on to what I look like. I remember always trying so hard to make money, which is why I stole from the boss of those thugs in the first place, so I could buy something to make myself even more beautiful."

Ikkaku hadn't even started eating yet, but he didn't have anything to say to reply. He filled his plate and began eating as if he believed the food would run away until he could think of something to calm Yumichika down. He thought of nothing after the first plate and filled his dish again, proceeding to eat in the exact same way. Eventually, he couldn't eat anymore and still hadn't thought of anything to say that would calm Yumichika down and gave up being tactful. He stood up, walked over to the far side of the room, got his katana and went to the door. "I don't know why you think you have to do things all by yourself so much, but I don't care to know. I'm killing the prick that's making you sob like a girl, and then probably everyone else who works for him. You can sit there or come to watch."

Yumichika looked up at Ikkaku, about to cry but not willing to let the tears fall. "I told you-"

"I can't let someone like that to be left alone and keep bothering you. If he comes looking, he'll probably find you. A lot of people are afraid of him, and he might find the right person who knows you're here, they'll tell him, you'll have even more problems from this guy."

"He's tried to find me before and didn't catch me."

"I don't care. He might find you this time, and that might is enough to make me convinced that I have to go and end this before anything actually starts."

"I'm not someone you have to protect-"

"No, but I want to," Ikkaku said softly and walked over to the raven haired man. He felt such a strong bond with him for a long time, and until his mistake, was content for it to be friendship. Yumichika needed something stable, though. He needed someone he could trust, and Ikkaku was determined to do everything humanly possible to make it up to the beauty and give him someone to rely on when he needed it. Gently, Ikkaku cupped the side of Yumichika's face and kissed him. "I'll protect you, even if you don't want me to. If I ever see anyone make you cry like you did last night, ever again, I'll kill them, too."

Yumichika was surprised, but not exceptionally angry. Not even a little resentful. He grabbed Ikkaku's hand and held it tightly, as if to ground himself. "He's strong. If something happens to you... I mean, you're the only person I've had to care about me. I don't want you to-"

"I didn't ask for your permission," Ikkaku said firmly. He held Yumichika's hand for a while, but thought the sooner that he got everything over with, the sooner Yumichika could relax. He slacked his grip on the man's hand and thought for a minute before he pulled away. "Yumichika?"

"What?" He asked, seeming to be almost afraid of what Ikkaku wanted to say.

"How much would you laugh at me if I said something really out there right now?"

"I don't think I'll laugh at anything," Yumichika answered, very truthfully. He felt like he'd been completely exhausted and stressed passed the limits of a human.

"I love you."

"What?"

"I love you," Ikkaku repeated confidently. "You heard me."

Those words. At any other point in Yumichika's life he wouldn't think twice about them, dismissing them as lies the moment they left the lips of the person who had said them. But this time, there was a tug on his heart, to just believe for once in his life, that there really could be someone out there who really loves him. Not lusts after him. Love.

Yumichika gripped his hand a little tighter and pulled himself to his feet. He was dreadfully tired now that he wasn't so anxious, and didn't particularly want to do anything more than sleep, he smiled lightly. "I..."

"You don't have to say anything," Ikkaku replied and kissed Yumichika once again, as if to assure him. "Now, I have to make sure everyone knows not to ever mess with you again. First by beating these guys to a pulp, and second we're going to train every day until you start teaching me shit."

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	6. Cleansing Past Demons

*A shamshir is simply a curved Persian blade. I wanted to give the bandit's boss a maquahuitl because that's basically a bad ass club with sharp rocks in it... But its North American so I can't really do that logically. Plus, a shamshir is at least an Asian blade.

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"Why do you have to follow me?" Ikkaku asked annoyed at Yumichika, who wouldn't stay behind no matter how much he was asked to do so. He even brought his katana, saying there were plenty of others in the compound who he wanted to repay for all they'd done during his involuntary stay.

"Because I'm not letting you go in and be caught by the guards before you even reach their boss."

"And what are you going to do about something like that?"

Yumichika tried to smile, but it looked forced. He was so tired, he didn't even seem to be able to keep up at a normal walking pace easily. "Well, when I escaped the first time I found a break in the walls that let me run away from them easily. Most of them can't even fit through it, but I'm sure you could if you tried. The guards won't be able to stop us if we use it, and they aren't good enough with tools to have done a decent repair."

Ikkaku was quiet for a minute, he didn't even mean to bring up anything that would bother Yumichika, but it happened none the less. "You know, I never thought someone as beautiful as you would ever care about someone like me."

"Don't call me beautiful when I look so bad, Ikkaku."

"But, you still look beautiful. Why can't I say it?" Ikkaku asked with a goofy grin, trying his best to lighten the mood and make Yumichika smile. Him being so sad would soon become contagious.

"Ikkaku, I don't look beautiful. I saw myself in the mirror, I look ugly," Yumichika replied and looked down. "I don't understand how you could say I even look pretty when I'm like this."

Pulling Yumichika into a hug, Ikkaku whispered in his ear; "You always look beautiful. It doesn't matter if you're tired or not, now stop frowning. I'm killing the guy that made you upset, I'm making sure to tell everyone that if they so much as touch you, and you don't kill them, I will. I don't care if I have to put some bastard's head on a pole in the middle of town to get the message across."

The crude humor made Yumichika smile at least. He pulled away from the hug and the continued to the forest, finding a well-traveled path to lead them. He walked in front of Ikkaku, apparently knowing where he was going much more than the other did. The woods had many trees with blossoming flowers, and the effeminate man seemed to belong on the beaten dirt path surrounded by the white petals. It was breath-taking to see his lithe frame move effortlessly over the bumps and over the fallen branches.

"Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked after what seemed like an eternal silence. They were nearing the compound though, that was rather obvious.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to lead us around to the main building, to their boss. Don't make a sound anymore, I don't want to attract a bunch of weaklings who we didn't come here for, they'll just be a headache."

"Alright, not another sound," Ikkaku agreed. His skin was crawling in his anticipation. Some of the excitement was for helping Yumichika, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't just itching to fight because he loved to carve people up. It was just who he was, and he couldn't be bothered to change the way he turned out to please some idealists.

Following Yumichika, they slide through the badly constructed walls around the conglomeration of unstable buildings being "protected" by them, Ikkaku getting several splinters lodged in his arm from the poorly cut wood as he trailed after the graceful man. Of course, Yumichika hardly touched the sides of the crack in the walls and wasn't harmed in the least. He moved effortlessly between buildings, keeping low to the ground and close to rough cabins, staying out of sight as if he were an expert on creeping about. Ikkaku, not the polished thief that his love was, nearly got them caught four or five times, being spared only by some generous succession of miracles and the residential thug's stupidity.

The largest building, set in what seemed to be the exact center of the compound, was their goal. Yumichika led them to a side which had no one around to witness their break in, and lifted a window. He climbed through and waited for Ikkaku, who was getting visibly anxious now that they were so close. Yumichika had obviously been hoping that there would have been some change in heart or a blow to Ikkaku's resolution. Turning to Ikkaku, Yumichika frowned a bit. "We should be near the boss of these morons, so be extra careful now that it really counts."

Ikkaku shrugged, he didn't mind if he attracted all the attention in the entire place, it would just be all the more fun for him. But keeping Yumichika calm was more important than fun at the moment, so he nodded his head in agreement and they moved even more quietly than before, taking care not to let the poorly constructed doors to creak so loud as to attract unwanted bodies.

The lay out of the building must have not changed at all since Yumichika moved with complete confidence, knowing exactly where everything was. He led them to the boss's bedchamber first. No one. The kitchen. Nothing. The meeting hall, one worthless pawn whom was dispatched before he could make a single sound. Before they were able to leave the room, though, they heard loud footsteps making the floorboards creak. A familiar deep and threatening voice said; "He has to be somewhere in town. He'd hiding. Find him."

Ikkaku grinned wider than human mouths should be capable of, the feral smile going past his cheeks. He put his hand on the katana and counted all the smaller footsteps. Four, including the boss were stomping about outside. "I'll go alone."

"No," Yumichika said firmly. He didn't want to stop Ikkaku at this point, but he didn't want to miss out on a single second of what happened between the two. Ikkaku couldn't argue, being as excited as he was for a serious fight, and some real bloodshed.

Walking over to the door, while dragging the corpse of the lackey he had dispatched only moments before, he went out into the hallway that his opponent was walking down with a loud slamming to attract attention to himself. He held up the dead body for a moment as if to provoke who he wanted to challenge before throwing the literal deadweight to the side and unsheathing his sword.

"Who the hell 're you?" The largest man, standing amongst the other three as a giant must around dwarfs, asked loudly.

"I guess it's only fair to know who ended your afterlife. Ikkaku Madarame."

Yumichika walked to the door, fighting an internal war on whether or not he wanted to look at the oaf who had caused him so much pain or not. He stepped out reluctantly, keeping a decent amount of space between himself and Ikkaku so he wouldn't be hindering the fight. Shooting a glare that could have stopped a weary life from continuing, he tightened his fists. "I may not be able to kill you for what you did, but someone has offered to take care of you in the way I took care of your unappealing servants yesterday."

"You?" The large man spat out. "Damn you to hell, running around here like a fucking idiot and-"

"Don't dig yourself a deeper grave," Ikkaku stopped him. "I'm going to kill you, there's no reason for a dead man to talk so big," Ikkaku paused for a moment. "Where do you think you go after this life? Is there anywhere after you die for a second time?"

"What the-"

"Send me a postcard or something if it's a nice place," Ikkaku grinned his impossibly wide grin and pointed his sword at the smaller thugs around his target. "Get lost, I'm not interested in fighting bloodless ninnies."

Anyone else threatening their boss and themselves so haphazardly without anything to show would have been laughed at. After the heartless display of throwing a recently deceased, and looking into the man's cold eyes to affirm the suspicion of his insanity, group was afraid, laughing being the furthest thing from their mind at the moment. The took a few steps back, before someone whom they feared more than the mentally unwell visitor barked at them. "Stop being afraid of a big talker. Kill him, and the pretty boy who's been causing me so much trouble."

Ikkaku's grin diminished, now annoyed. "I said-"

"Don't worry, Ikkaku. I wouldn't mind stepping in here," Yumichika said firmly, unsheathing his katana and walking in front of his protector. "You shouldn't fight these weaklings anyways, after we made so much effort to avoid them in the first place."

"Yumichika, three at a time-"

"Won't be a problem with you standing right there to protect me in case I slip," Yumichika smiled for the first time that day a real smile, looking back into Ikkaku's eyes to assure him. With the prospect of fighting someone they felt they could handle, the thugs who were accompanying their boss smiled. Their new-found confidence led them to rush forward.

Ikkaku felt his heart skip a beat when Yumichika took out one masterfully, a quick slice across the throat of the one who lead the charge wielding a chain mace. The man wasn't even able to swing his weapon before he was dispatched. The next, holding a katana similar to Yumichika's took a swing, using the brute techniques Ikkaku was fond of. While blocking that attack Yumichika was nearly hit by the third combatant using a wide swing with his club. It was maybe his years of training as a thief that made him think to use a devious strategy, or maybe just fighting a brute like Ikkaku before gave him an idea of how the two of his enemies mind's worked, but he knocked the man with the katana slightly off-balance and ducked.

The man using a club hit his friend hard enough to cause a large indent in the skull. In the moment he was stunned by his own action, Yumichika pierced through his chest, stopping his heart in an instant, and all three of his opponents laid scattered on the floor around him. Grossly excessive bleeding made a dark red pool around Yumichika's feet, although a large portion of the blood absorbed into the unpolished floors. Turning to their boss, Yumichika smiled. "I never thought you'd harbor such weak fighters, to lose to a 'pretty boy' must be shameful."

Their boss' face went red in anger, as well as embarrassment. Ikkaku wanted to laugh now that Yumichika was so confident he managed to make a joke. The bandit's boss pulled an oversized shamshir-like blade that had been strapped to his back out and pointed it at Yumichika. "You shouldn't talk big. I'll slice you up till even your mother couldn't tell the difference between your face or your foot."

The raven haired beauty, although not wishing to fight the larger man, didn't shrink away. He was confident. "Your blade won't touch me," he turned back to Ikkaku and began walking away from the angry man. "It's your turn."

Laughing and setting the blunt side of his blade on his shoulder, Ikkaku stepped in front of Yumichika. "He's right, you know."

"What the hell are you gaining from protecting this whore?" The large man asked, still holding his finely crafted blade at the ready. His comment immediately caused Ikkaku to stop laughing and frown.

"You locking him up and using him any time you wanted doesn't make him a whore, it makes him a victim. I don't know how you get off calling someone you raped a fucking whore, but I'm going to teach you a simple lesson in logic before slice you like deli meat," Ikkaku's eyes narrowed.

"The man was a whore anyways, 'fore he tried to steal from me. 'Sides, I don't see why you care about someone like him."

Yumichika glared again. "Ikkaku, I've heard enough from him. If you don't kill him soon, I will."

"Don't worry, I was just starting to think that talking to someone like him isn't even fun."

"Oh, you don't like hearing about how he whored himself out for as much as it costs to buy a few drinks? He doesn't give a shit about his body, so why should anyone else?"

"Shut up," Ikkaku hissed. He knew what Yumichika did out of necessity to pay for food. He hated the fact that it had to be brought up by someone who hurt Yumichika so many times. There really was no point in exchanging another word. He wanted to ask the name of the man, but now he didn't even care. No matter what happened, this guy would be killed at Ikkaku's leisure and then he'd go home to comfort Yumichika. The only gray area was if he should make the man suffer, or end it before the idiot could say anything else.

Ikkaku saw his opponent get ready to speak again, even after the threat that told him to stop talking. It was obvious that the least painful way to handle the situation would be to end the fight as quickly as possible, despite Ikkaku's love for taking his battles slow and enjoying every cut across flesh. If he said anything more to upset the raven haired beauty, Ikkaku was sure he'd lose control over his temper. Before another stupid sentence could pass the man's lips, Ikkaku clashed his katana against the curved blade of the shamshir. Sparks flew from the hard collision of metal blades, sending the larger man into a daze while Ikkaku slide his blade onto his opponent's, the thin guards cutting beneath Ikkaku's forceful push and taking out three fingers.

Barely able to hold his sword now, the boss of the bandits proved himself to be a versatile fighter, using his less adept left hand only to wield his oversized weapon, landing a hit on Ikkaku's shoulder to counter what just befell him. Ikkaku wasn't about to miss a beat, sidestepping the worst of the counter attack and trying to land a piercing blow to the bulky chest of his opposition. The would-be fatal blow was easily blocked as the broadside of the shamshir was used to hit Ikkaku and send him flying into the wall.

Yumichika bit his lip, knowing how mad Ikkaku would be if he stepped in at this point, but wanting to protect the man who was fighting for him more than anything. Ikkaku stood up in an instant, surprising Yumichika immensely. Ikkaku wasn't letting a blow like that be one to do him in, he retaliated while his opponent was looking at Yumichika, who he thought was the only one he'd have to deal with after he put so much effort in the hit. Anti-climatic as it was, Ikkaku killed the man while he wasn't even paying attention with a strike across the throat, effectively beheading his opponent in a neat stroke.

He sheathed his blade and looked back at Yumichika with a goofy grin, and blood splattered on his face. Never was he one to have any finesse.

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	7. Not a Fairy Tale, but Good Enough

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It was as if all his past demons were cleared away in a few days. Yumichika never thought it would be possible to clear his conscious of all the things that had happened in his past, and he never believed he would feel love towards anyone nor trust. Every one of those doubts vanished within the confines of two days. It was too good to be true. He laid down on the bed, unable to sleep with his mind racing.

Ikkaku laid beside him with his arms around the man just like they had been the previous night, holding Yumichika close. He was exhausted by the time they got home, so much so that he wasn't even interested in doing anything besides sleep, skipping eating and talking about what had happened until tomorrow. Yumichika was lucky to get him to change clothes and wash most of the blood that coated him off before going to sleep.

By the time morning light shone into the room, however, Yumichika settled down and got in enough sleep to feel better than he did the previous day. The bags were still under his eyes, but so much less pronounced that anyone who wasn't looking specifically for them wouldn't notice. He woke up first and when he tried to get up, Ikkaku groaned and complained that it was too early to be awake yet.

"I'm going to make something to eat."

Ikkaku's stomach answered with a loud growl before he could protest anymore. Yumichika wiggled out of Ikkaku's arms and started on breakfast. He was hungry too. After a few more complaints, Ikkaku got up too.

"Hey, Ikkaku?"

"What?"

"When you told me you loved me..." Yumichika didn't find himself able to finish.

"What about when I told you I loved you?"

"You meant it, didn't you? I mean, you didn't say it in the heat of the moment or something?"

Ikkaku frowned. "Of course I meant it. I don't say things I don't mean."

"Promise?"

"What do you mean? You don't trust me?"

"That's not it," Yumichika looked down. Breakfast was cooking itself in the pan at this point, he didn't have anything to distract himself with so he chose to look anywhere but Ikkaku's eyes. "It's just, I never thought anyone would say that to me."

"Why?"

"Because everyone is either jealous of me, or disgusted with me."

"I'm neither," Ikkaku replied. "And look at me, not the floor."

Yumichika looked up at Ikkaku's face, focusing on his nose to avoid his eyes. There was something about talking to people when he was nervous that kept him from looking into anyone's eyes. This time, it was more than likely being afraid of Ikkaku getting angry with the conversation more than anything else. "I never felt love towards anyone in my entire life, except now, with you. I don't want you to leave, and I just want to know you feel the same about me. I mean, people have lied to me before and I've gotten hurt by it, but if this is a lie, I don't think I'd ever be able to be with anyone ever again."

"You love me?"

Yumichika looked into Ikkaku's eyes with a little more confidence. He wanted to say it so the other would know he wasn't lying. "I love you," he looked back down at the food that just finished and put it on plates, taking it to the table. When he set down Ikkaku's plate, the man grabbed his wrist and pulled him down into a kiss.

"Good, 'cause I don't think I could ever find anyone else to put up with me."

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Maybe they had their problems. A lot of arguments, about Yumichika never being ready to go on time and Ikkaku yelling at anyone who so much as looked at his love the wrong way, be it woman or man. Ikkaku still drank, Yumichika still was fiercely independent. They were different in a plethora of ways, and similar in very few. One of those very few ways was their eternal love for one another. They found out awhile ago, that no matter how annoying the other would be at times, there was absolutely no one in the entirety of the Soul Society, be it one of the countless districts or even inside the Soul Reaper community, that could or would put up with either of them.

It wasn't easy to live for an eternity with someone, and none of their interactions were something to be looked back on as a whole and think of in any pretense as adorable or fairytale-like. That wasn't them. There weren't real life fairy tales in the lives of two people like them. They were two who loved to fight, to slice others and when they weren't busy putting their swords to work for them, they could be found often times yelling at each other over the most trivial things.

It hardly mattered to either of them. Whether they could be role models or examples of what not to become. They were stable in their love, no matter what. If one needed a crutch, the other would be there in an instant. That was how it was and always would be, regardless of arguments or petty problems. Whether it was their time in Rukongai, Yumichika's nursing of Ikkaku's wounds after his first real lose against Kenpachi, or in their present condition as Soul Reapers, they would stay together for the rest of their immortal lives.


End file.
